worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
