I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You ruined the universe
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
