What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
