We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
