I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
