If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
