my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
