found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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