she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
