I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Less talking, more tequila
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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