i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
