It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
