so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
