Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
