this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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