I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
