i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
