She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
