Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
