awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
