i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
