dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
