so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
