Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
