I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
