I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
