Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
