Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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