every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
