Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My feet surprised me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
