just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
