Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
