so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
