I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
