Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
