I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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