Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
