Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
