mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
