I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
