New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
