I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
