i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
