okay pat passed out under dana's car
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
