But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
