New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
