White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
