i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
