Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
