Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'd cum for enchiladas.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
