I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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