im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
